I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
