I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
