Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
