East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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