I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
