youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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