Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
