So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
