Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His nipple licking is glorious
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