I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
