Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
