i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
