That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
