Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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