that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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