He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
