hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
