So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
