Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
