You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
