he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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