But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
