Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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