so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
