i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Panties = found
Randomize
