Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
