Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
