she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
