I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
