All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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