Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
