Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
