Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
