Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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