Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
