I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
