Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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