Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
