I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
