I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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