We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
