I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
