In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
