You smell like stripper and shame
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
