I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
