and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
