She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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