I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
