you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my shit smells like andre
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
