I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
