Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
