so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
