I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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