you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
