How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
