Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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