Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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