U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Farmville is her only friend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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