Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
