i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
